Since many of us struggle to achieve society’s definition of flawlessness, self validation is becoming a more pressing issue. Self-love and being your admirer, do not come easily. I’ve discovered that before you can truly learn to love yourself, you must first practice self validation deliberately.
Here are three magic techniques for validating and loving oneself.
Self Validation – 3 Magic Ways to Love and Validate Yourself
1. Put a Stop to Comparing Yourself to Others
This is included first since it is maybe the most significant part of self-validation. It is also the most challenging component, and it necessitates a concentrated effort day after day.
You are born without the ability to know or give care to what others think about you. When you want anything (milk, sleep, a diaper change), you wail as loud as your lungs would allow. However, you quickly become aware of how to cope with society. As a natural byproduct of this, you learn how to blend into society. This “Institution of Life” teaches you what is good and bad. It also teaches you what is appropriate or courteous in social situations.
My stance is that we are continuously scrutinized for our activities, both big and little. It might become so instinctive that you don’t even realize it. As a result, even before we reach our adolescent years, it has become entirely acceptable to seek validation from sources other than ourselves about how well we are doing. Unfortunately, we are assessed for nearly each and everything.
Is it possible for me to be popular if I’m not overweight? Do I have a cheeky smile? Is my iPhone up to date? Why was I the last person chosen for the baseball team? Will my friends mock me if I got sober?
Every time we fail to meet the tacit standards imposed by our environs (whether those standards are societal or personal), we are punished.
It can have a negative impact on our self-esteem over time. It’s no surprise that the notion of self-love is odd to many of us. That is why attempting to cease comparing yourself to others is such an important element of self validation. Build a positive attitude towards yourself. But it won’t be easy—we’re talking about possibly erasing 20+ years of brain training! So, if you’re looking for instant gratification, reconsider.
My personal experience taught me that genuine self validation comes from accepting yourself for who you are, irrespective of your social rank or status. It’s not about being the best, the richest, or the smartest. You are on your own track in life, which is likely to be distinct from the path of many others around you. The worst thing you can do is turn your life into a competition in which you continuously expose yourself to criticism.
2. Don’t Look for Happiness Outside of Yourself
How often have you told yourself, “I’ll be so happy once I get…”?
We are all responsible for procrastinating our happiness to an uncertain future by tenuously placing our happiness on things that are quite make-or-break in nature—a fatter wallet, finding your true match, or having a higher job. What happened to being cheerful after a delicious cup of coffee?
And occasionally, even when we do get those greater things—a better-paying job, for example—they don’t necessarily make us as happy as we imagined they would. That’s because genuine happiness is mostly an attitude that must be developed from the inside.
I believe that external factors and situations may make or break our lives—the loss of a loved one is a prime example of something that can rock your world. However, your daily levels of pleasure are derived from within you and from practicing thankfulness.
What is your present frame of mind?
- Do you prioritize what you have or what you lack?
- Do you value what you have more than what others have?
3. Communicate to Yourself, in the Same Way, You would to a Close Friend
We are our worst judges. I’m fairly certain you’re rougher on yourself than you are on someone you care about. We have great expectations of ourselves. This is because we like being — and achieving — the best we can in our lives. That’s fantastic—it may be invigorating to set a goal for yourself and then tear down it.
But what happens when you don’t reach the goal you intended for yourself? Do you chastise or condemn yourself? In short, this would have been the inverse of self validation.
For the coming month, examine your activities as if you’re the closest buddy. So, if you didn’t receive that high-paying job, pay attention to what you say to yourself. What are the thoughts you tell yourself? Maybe you convince yourself you’re not talented enough. Or you could believe you absolutely earned that promotion and, as a result, you’ve determined that life must be a shambles and there’s really no use in trying again.
Now, if you were your own best friend, how would you console yourself? Perhaps you’d praise yourself for your efforts or convince yourself that you might be having better chances the next time and not to quit. In a nutshell, self validation entails treating oneself as you would a close friend.
Instead of putting yourself down when things go wrong, be proud of putting yourself in a situation where you put your head on the line in the first place and cheer yourself on for the future. Remember all the struggles and challenges you have successfully overcome in the past—those moments when you thought you might never recover but you slowly did.
When you consider it, you’re a true hero. Your buddies may tell you, but you should also urge yourself. When things don’t go as planned in your life, remember that your loyal friends do not think less of you. So why should you have a worse opinion of yourself?
Self-validation is far more concerned with happiness than with success. And it may have less to do with changing your outward environment and more to do with changing your mental state. For people who have learned self validation and self-love, the phrase “Happiness comes from within” is accurate.
To begin, quit trying so hard. Don’t try to pass yourself off as someone you’re not. Don’t put yourself in the same category as others. Don’t strive to put others ahead of yourself. Do you realize how difficult it is to always put up a show?
That peaceful and comfortable sensation you get when you go into your own space, breathe a sigh of relief, and do your own thing while being true to yourself—what that’s you’re striving for. Acceptance and self-love are the same things. The objective is to feel this way nearly all of the time. And that is seldom attained by exposing oneself to undue pressure, expectations, and criticism.